S-N-L
by Astiar
Summary: TOTAL CRACK! What would happen if Sherlock and Luna were to meet and become friends/ lovers. One or two shot or now may or may not add more. T just for saftey
1. Chapter 1

AN: I own nothing. Don't ask where this came from but here it is.

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John Watson was beyond confused. Just over an hour ago Sherlock was bored to the point he was worrying about bullet holes in the wall again. Then he gets a text and all the sudden he isn't bored any more. Not five minutes after there's a knock at the door and a lovely platinum blonde is standing there. She just seemed to float around John with other worldly grace. She then walks up to Sherlock and kisses him. Full on the lips, arms around him, normal person kiss. It was pretty discreet but John was shocked since the man disliked the amount of human contact involved in a handshake.

He wondered if one of Sherlock's experiments had to do with hallucinogens since the two seemed to be speaking English but made no sense what so ever. And it wasn't his normal confusion when listening to Sherlock. This was more... less... just different. John was relieved when he heard another knock on their flat door. He got up to answer.

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Anthea aka Hermione Granger was given a strange request by her boss the quote unquote _British government_. He had just text her: _collect Sherlock's girlfriend and bring her to the office._ There was so much wrong with that sentence she didn't know what to think. Since when did Sherlock have a girlfriend? Why the office and not the warehouse? And most importantly, Who the hell could put up with Sherlock long enough to be a girlfriend worthy of notice by Mycroft? She had spent 7 years with Harry, Ron AND Lavender, and all together they were less frustrating than the worlds only consulting detective.

Don't get her wrong Hermione really liked Sherlock. He just drove her crazy. He was like a cross of Harry, the Weasley twins and... her. That was what bothered her the most was when she saw herself in him. So she sat in the car waiting for the mystery girl to exit 221 Baker St. Some time later she received another text. _Go get the girl. _

Hermione sighed and got out heading up to the door. She didn't knock, instead she used a simple silent, wandless _alohomora _ to open the locked door. She indulged in a small smirk, '_let Sherlock chew on that puzzle'_. She headed up to the flat.

_'Ah Captain John Watson MD.'_ Him she could deal with and kind of liked if she wasn't 80 percent sure he was homosexual. '_Maybe I should reevaluate, since I thought he and Sherlock were partners in the carnal sense of the word.' _"Good evening Doctor. Mycroft would like to speak with Sherlock's girlfriend." She asked with a small smile Blackberry put away for once.

"Sure, sure. Come on in." He gestured politely.

She did so, then stood frozen in shock. _'Well that was the LAST person I thought would be here.'_

The woman half dancing around the room as she seemed to explain a point in the nonsense verbal battle she was having with Sherlock paused and looked at her. Her lovely face broke into a wide genuine smile. And she ran at the assistant. "'Mione!" She cried jumping into Hermione's arms.

"Luna." Was all she could say catching the light woman. "I didn't know you knew Sherlock." She added after she recovered for a moment.

"You know her?" John asked

"Yes. We went to school together for 6 years. She was close to my best friend."

"How is Harry?" Luna asked still wrapped around her

"Fine last I heard. He was in Australia living in a tiny tribe that not even GPS can find."

"I'm glad he needs to be happy. I wish you would do the same." Luna pouted. "With proper training John here would be amazing in bed and he's not bad to look at either." She giggled.

John turned brilliant red and Hermione's checked pinked a tiny bit. It had been a long time since she had seen Luna Lovegood . "But then again I bet Mycroft is far more flexible than a man his age should be." Her blush darkened

"LUNA! Mycroft is far to old for me. And up until a few minutes ago I thought Dr. Watson and Sherlock were having sex." John sputtered at the comment and even Sherlock made a choked noise. "And would you please get down. Mycroft wants to meet you."

Luna got down and pouted. "I don't want to go. I was just winning our match."

Hermione sighed she just knew John was going to ask. "What match?" Yep he did.

"We were typing to see who could quote backwards the longest with out missing a phrase. You interrupted my rendition of the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet."

"And I was going to win with the entirety of the Lord's Prayer." Sherlock replied. "So _THE British Government_ can wait."

Hermione let out a sigh. Alone they were impossible to deal with together... she was honestly surprised the world had lasted this long.

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AN: Crazy yes. But I thought Luna X Sherlock would be adorable. Her eccentricity would puzzle him and confusing him would entertain her. Together they would be like a feed back loop where Sherlock would never be bored again.

This will be a 2 shot maybe more I'm not sure. The second part is how they met and a bit of their interactions.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: the second part. These tidbits are NOT in chronological order. Might add more later.

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***tring***

_Not all who wander are lost: The old that is strong does not wither. _

_182 2 9 199 3 11 **481** 241 7 33 LL_

Sherlock loved these puzzles. He was beginning to worry if that strange feeling he had was love for the girl that sent them as well. The first part was easy. The quote would mark the book he needed to translate the message. _Not all who wander are lost_ that was familiar but the second part eluded him. He knew she would wait, either that or knew just how long it would take him puzzle it out. Let another puzzle. How did she know?

Sherlock combed through his entire library both in his mind and the flat but nothing. So he had no choice. "John do you know this quote?" He asked out of the blue into the previously silent flat.

John blinked a few times trying to get his mind to switch gears and figure out where he knew it from. "Yes. It's from the Lord of the Rings series. The first one, The Fellowship of the Ring. Why?"

"I was working a puzzle. Do you have a copy?"

"Yeah sure. You need it for your puzzle?" Sherlock nodded and John fetched the book now even more confused.

A few minutes of flipping through it and he had the text translated. _Go to 481 Rivendell LL_. He pulled out his mobile and searched. It took a couple of pages to find Rivendell in the south end of London. "I'm going out." He told John taking his coat and leaving without another word.

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_'Boring, dull, sleeping with his wife's sister, dull, dull, idiot, wants to kill her brother but doesn't have the nerve, boring...'_ Sherlock trailed off his mental list of the people he saw as he walked down the street. He couldn't help but stare. This woman makes no sense, but is perfectly composed. When she finally … skipped to a stop right in front of him she just stood and watched him waiting. Sherlock watched back. The woman was silent so he contemplated her more. She was pleasing to the eye, large pale eyes, white blonde hair, pale flawless completion. All that contrasted with her outfit. She was wearing rainbow stripped leggings, a black tutu, a white tee with the letters DA across her smaller than average chest, over that was a bright purple leather coat and to top it off was a blood red top hat.

Sherlock couldn't stand it his curiosity forced him to speak. "You have real turnips for earrings." was all he could think to say the conundrum that was this woman was taking up much of his mental processing power.

"Yes I do. They help keep the nargles away." She replied in a sweet voice with a smile

"What's a nargle?"

"It's a tiny invisible creature that crawls in your ear and prevents you from thinking clearly." She replied with a small frown

"They must be over running the planet. Would explain why no one can think." HE said with a sigh thinking of all the idiots out there who never used their mind.

"Yes they are. But I'm trying to find a cure. I wonder why they don't infect you?" She asked looking at him and seeming to look through him at the same time.

"I don't know." He replied. "How do you know it's nargles and not just that the world is declining into mindless morons who can't think for themselves?"

"Because if they were all morons then you couldn't teach people how to drive the nargles away and really SEE the world around them. You should get back to the man and older woman you are living with they will worry if you are out to late." She said.

Sherlock stared at her. He knew just how she knew that he lived with a man and an older woman. And he had little doubt she could deduce many more things. Here was a woman that thought, and she was an interesting puzzle. "May I have your mobile?"

"IF I can have yours." they swapped phones and programed their numbers in each others. "I'm Luna by the way Luna Lovegood."

"Sherlock Homes." HE replied then the woman was dance, skipping down the side walk again as if she were a child. _'Luna Lovegood what a fascinating puzzle you are.'_

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"Lestrade your head is filled with nargles. Take care of them or find a job your simplistic mind is capable of doing." Sherlock shouted at the Inspector after the man continued to question him while he was examining the scene.

"What the bloody hell is a nargle?" he asked looking at Sherlock as if he had lost it

The detective just hmphed and went back to work. "Ask Anderson he's a viable factory of the pests." Sherlock would say no more and when Lestrade turned to John he just shrugged in confusion.

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"Mummy. How do you know if you love someone?" Sherlock asked his mother after having dinner with her and his father.

"For most people Sherlock love is nothing more than complementary pheromones and endorphins. They fall 'in love' until their body becomes accustom to the chemical changes and they they are at best friendly at worst try and kill one another, or have the other killed."

Sherlock nodded that made sense, it explained why people would be so loyal they were addicted to one anothers chemical makeup. "But what about us?"

His mother was silent for a long while. "Sherlock are you asking about your Dr. Watson?" She asked looking him in the eye.

He blinked thrown for a loop. "Of course not mother. Don't be ridicules." He scoffed.

She smiled. "Well then Sherlock. The best way to tell is by how often they leave you confused, or how much of a puzzle they are. Your father and I have been together 46 years now and there are days when he surprises me. That's love. When they keep you guessing. And the thought of completely solving them will sadden you."

Sherlock nodded and left his childhood home without another word to his parents. He needed to puzzle out if he loved Luna. And then what to do about it.

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Mycroft was worried. Mummy rarely text him. The information provided was also worrying. _Sherlock has a girlfriend. I want to know everything. Don't forget your umbrella I may rain latter. Love Mummy._

Sherlock not only had a girlfriend he didn't know about, but one he had mentioned to mummy. He puzzled for a long while before texting Anthea. He loved the mind of his assistant. Not that, that was all she did. Hermione Granger was as much an assistant as he was a minor member of the British government. Anthea as she liked to be called on this side of the divide was a dear friend, in some ways his only real friend. That and she was 8 years his junior.


End file.
